One Burger to rule them all, One Burger to find them, One Burger to bring them all and in the darkness bind them. Really, this is all I need to write about this burger, and then to show you more pics and then list the ingredients. I am only at burger odyssey venue three and honestly, after this PORK BELLY RUEBEN BURGER from DANNO’S CAFE, in Dee Why, I could retire from burger questing. The burger quest is not new, there are a lot of people searching out the perfect burger, why? Because burgers are f**king brilliant, that’s why!! Good mate, Dan O (who really should have been here today to review a cafe called Danno!!) and I started the Spooning Australia burger quest about a month ago. This is Odyssey #3 following from Moo Gourmet Burgers in Manly and (yet to be reviewed) Bellaroma in Balgowlah.
Danno’s Cafe just appeared in my feed on Facebook one day, I do believe it was because I was posting about burgers, that and the Facebook algorithms for world domination worked out it is close to my house and I would want to review it. I then started stalking them on Facebook and seeing some incredible looking photos appearing, one of them made it to a rapping/ hip hop looking FB page and is sitting on 23000likes – that was it – my Saturday brunch was decided. I skipped breakfast as I needed to work my way through this dish. Headed on down and spotted the greatly positioned cafe off Howard Ave with a lovely grassed area in front of it, the place didn’t even look like it was in Dee Why.
Took my seat on the outside covered patio and spoke to the waitress when she brought the menu. Told her I was here to review the best burger there is that everyone is talking about – there was the double cooked pork belly burger aka THE PORK BELLY RUEBEN, or the Primo (the giant beef burger). As I have a high addiction to anything pork, especially belly, I was sold. I asked her what else I need to eat while I am here – I wanted their signature dishes. Her suggestion was to drink The Elvis, a milkshake inspired by the great man, in his blubbery latter years. It should be noted these Chef’s Special burgers are NOT on the menu, you have to ask for them, the pork belly burger is listed on their website, but it was no issues, as soon as I asked it was being made, so ASK FOR IT!!!
I got my ideal spot while I waited and set up the camera. I sussed the menu fully, it appeared nothing more than your standard cafe, mixtures of breakfast options and some good lunch options. I did notice that it offered a lot more than most and that the pricing was very affordable, in fact, I could make this place a regular, but the one thing that stood out were the burgers, and the hotdogs, although after eating the burger I fear I could never order the hotdog as I would only ever be able to eat the burgers here. The burgers already punched out from the menu and just sounded foodgasmic. But the one I ordered was the Chef’s Special, well one of them as per above.
The burger – thanks to the kindness of the waitress and the chef himself, Josh Arthurs, who wrote all the ingredients out for me, consisted of:
Twice cooked beer braised pork belly, house made 1000 Island dressing, house made sauerkraut, thrice cooked crispy bacon, onion rings, Swiss cheese and all served on a fluffy brioche bun.
My drink – The Elvis – was caramel and chocolate ice-cream, peanut butter and bananas.
I had the first of many foodgasms on the arrival of the burger, just the glisten and the smell was enough – I knew I was in burger heaven!
How does one score a burger on its brilliance or lack-thereof?
Spooning Burger Odyssey now has a score guide for burgers; (work in progress, let us know if we need to add anything)
1) Size does matter but bigger is not always better: Is it big? Is it too big?
2) Wow: Does it have wow factor? As soon as you see it do you want to run away crying or start molesting its juicy goodness? How is the presentation?
3) Ingredients: Are the ingredients fresh and well placed? This includes whether the bun is impressive, is bacon actually crispy? Is the sauce bottle tomato or home made?
4) Foodgasm: Would you order it again? Do you feel a sexual attraction to this burger? Is he/she a dirty minx you must taste again?
5) Eatability: The most important? Can you eat it with two hands? And when eating it do the ingredients stay in the bun? Does the bun stay together? Or does the bun split in two and you end up with meat and goodness oozing into your lap?
If I ask all these questions of the THE PORK BELLY RUEBEN Burger – they all get a resounding yes and this makes it a perfect burger, if I take scores out of it and go with heart, it is the perfect f**king burger, as per my first sentence, the one burger to rule them all, I had multiple foodgasms indulging in this gluttonous meal. For a burger that looks so massive, it has a good compact worthy grip to it and only some juice and crumbs escaped my stomach (that had gladly taken on the form of a Sarlacc Pit and was determined to eat every morsel and keep it in for 1000s of years). The flavours were incredible and the combination of multiple pork morsels and that sauerkraut was sublime. Paired to perfection. The bacon was indeed crispy and the cheese oozed. Everything worked. I would maybe try and deep fry some apple slices on it instead of the onion rings but this is just purely for the pork/apple thing, what chef, Josh, achieved is a work of wonder that needs to praised from highest walls of burgerdom!!
Eating this burger felt like the most satisfying dirty rough sex I have had in years, I wanted to light a bloody cigarette when I finished and I haven’t smoked in nearly two years :). But in true man style, I just went home and slept.
WARNING: this burger is NOT a light meal, preparation must be made, as must a method to indulging in it.
1) Have it for an early lunch – I had it at 1130am. This will allow you to gain an appetite for dinner, am writing now at 5pm and I am still full.
2) Combine this with NOT having breakfast. With no breakfast I was hungry, and knew I could get through it.
3) To eat it properly I had to have it with The Elvis Milkshake, basically a hardcore protein shake with it’s peanut butter and bananas and ice creams. The trick to this, which the waitress agreed, was to have it with the meal and to not start drinking the milkshake until half way through the burger.
This method is now tested and I cannot fault it, in fact, when I finished I felt heroic, and like I should have ordered some form of chip, 30mins later I knew chips could not have been an option and I will always follow this method for the future.
Now enough with the bloody novel King!! Get your ass to DANNO’S CAFE in Dee Why!!
Please note, this meal was paid for by the reviewer and this review visit was unsolicited.